Stevo

"I don't got no numbers, so I can't call nobody anyway. And I can't pay no bail because rent is $545. It'll have to wait until you get your tax return." I'm trying to ignore the dramatic phone call, but this lady is pretty loud. It seems that someone is in jail and the daughter needs to get her act together. And grandma "don't need to worry about nothing because it's under control." She's "too sick, anyways." Our Laundromat Matriarch of the Day has brought along a baby, Esmeralda, her husband, and "Stevo." The husband was the first person I saw when I walked in. It really couldn't be helped. He's a man leaning on the folding table in front of the entrance. Weighing in at an estimated 300+ lbs, he greeted anyone who walked in with his ass. No, really. His athletic shorts are hanging somewhere just past halfway down his butt, followed by his underwear, giving the world a view of a side of him that I'd rather not see. I'd take a picture for your benefit, but Stevo is beside him facing the laundromat-- eying the other patrons with a psychotic grin that makes me wonder who he has chopped up in his freezer. Stevo is a young adult in what appears to be his late 20's. He may even be Esmeralda's father. He's farkin' creepy regardless. As the husband hikes mercifully hikes his shorts up and makes his way across the laundromat to watch his wife fold clothes, Stevo has a seat to clean his fingernails with a knife. He glances up occasionally to check out the scene. Flashing that unhinged grin, he gets back to work on his fingernails. As I load my dryer, the Matriarch summons Stevo to grab a couple of baskets of laundry. He grins slyly, looking around as he lumbers across the laundromat. As the quartet leaves, it dawns on me that I was prepared to rant about the obnoxiousness of the husband's ass hanging out everywhere. Instead, all I could really do was focus on how god damned creepy Stevo was. Stevo: A laundromat specter whose load is clearly unbalanced...

Here There Be The Potential For Dragons...

I find myself at the laundromat again this week following the loss of my last good pair of pants. A tragic lab tech accident involving black acrylic ink took out the only good pants I had left. So I'm at the laundromat washing new pants. It's tranquil, and I feel totally safe knowing the laundromat is being well protected. Our champion has appeared to guard us! There's a guy here that looks to be in his late 30's. His sweatpants are a couple of sizes too small. He's proudly displaying his trade paperback collection of Iron Man comic books. His Dungeons & Dragons t-shirt is emblazoned with a sword and shield, the mark of a man who surely must play the role of the Paladin! I'm secure in this belief as his mighty t-shirt has the appearance of a tunic thanks to the battle-worn, studded leather belt that's buckled around his waist over the t-shirt. I'm quite confident that should should a Red Dragon appear, our laundromat stronghold will be safe!!!

From The Evening of 1-1-12: "Serenity!!"

I don't often do laundry at night. Tonight is the exception, though, as it simply isn't going to get done this weekend. Nor can it wait any longer. And so it is that I get the pleasure of watching the two Bros who have arrived to do the what appears to be family laundry. I don't think they've done this before. One of them has the snazziest white cowboy boots that have ever been constructed. I'm sure I'm envious of his bitchin' kicks in another dimension. Add to that his terrible orange toned, bleached bowl cut, and I quite likely want to be him in another dimension. May my existence be short-lived in that dimension.

I also get the luxury of enduring Brielle and Serenity, the demonic children who arrived with their grandmother, who happens to be laundromat's manager this evening. They've struck a bargain with the loquacious demon child who was already here, agreeing to play a game of tag (much to the grandmother's dismay).

Never again will I do laundry at night. Ugh...

Welcome to the Laundromat...

So after some careful consideration and a few requests, I'm finally giving the Laundromat Chronicles a dedicated home. I'll still update the Chronicles on Facebook, but I want a place for a more detailed account of the crazy stuff I se-- the laundromat attendant just found a quarter. She's talking to the quarter. I hope my jeans dry soon...